After finally sailing away from the Isle of Giants, I knew I was finally swimming away from Pandaria. Accordingly with all the maps I had of the area, I was entering a wide expanse of water with very few possible stops – no large islands, no significant naval trade routes. This particular corner of the South Seas lied completely on the fringe of civilization. My people have never sailed so far east. The Pandaren very rarely ventured beyond their mists. Humans were mostly frightened of this distant, empty sea, being told from childhood stories about islands full of giants and monsters and about mystical, distant lands full of forgotten warlocks who will share their magic with you for the price of your soul. Some of those stories can be quite captivating, in the hands of the right person, but ultimately they are all fiction. Although there are tiny islands with forgotten treasures and mysteries, they are very rare, and in the different part of the sea.
Tag Archives: Ogres
Let me tell you, I am never appreciated! Both under Maginor Dumas and Verroak Krasha I have done nothing short of a miracle. I’m a squawking wonder-worker, that’s what I am! I got the crazy old… vulture-parrot-owl thing terocones. Terocones! In Stormwind! Nobody sells the seeds these days! Do you have any ideas how much haggling it took to get someone to concede some cones? Do you know what I had to trade in? Gold. Okay, that wasn’t particularly odd, but terocones! And before Krasha placed the order, I didn’t even know what a terocone is. No spelljammer has ever reached this planet, we know literally nothing about this place, so we never heard of terocones.
Recently, after Krasha broke that harpy out of her cage and he had to evacuate to his own tower, I decided to follow him. Yes, he’s crazy and never appreciates me either, but at least he pays well. Because the cook he got at first was some dumb vegetarian ogre, they couldn’t eat any meat in the tower. So who do they go to? To ME, of course. And I bought a whole crate full of fresh Tel Abim Bananas. I had to WRESTLE a goblin for them. You think they’re short and weak? Well, not only they’re barely shorter than me, not only I have hollow, avian bones, the goblin was also packing heat (by which I mean some crazy fire-suit contraption worthy of a tinker gnome). He didn’t want to sell for my gold, so I wrestled him down, took apart the suit and THEN he sold the fruits. I also borrowed some apples.
That’s just two examples! I keep getting him some really rare things that I often have to go out of my way to purchase. Sometimes I even strike something lucky by complete accident – I thought I bought a crate of Ragveil and it turned out to be some “Chamaeleon Lotus” that is very, very rare and even considered extinct on this world. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love doing all those crazy and rare business deals. That’s what I was made for. But I could use some respect and appreciation for my efforts. Maybe one day, I’ll earn enough gold to build my own spelljammer and escape this world back to Kwanhi, the dohwar homeworld. But until that day, I’ll keep on working.
Addendum: I took to using the word “squawk” as a substitution for expletives, as Verroak Krasha tends to do. I must admit, there is something to the sound of it that I seem to like.
Addendum 2: Apparently there are tinker gnomes in this world, as well as mechagnomes, so maybe a spelljammer did reach this world a long time but perhaps it crashed and no one reported back – but it seeded some things.
Lunk see bird-man’s funny machine just sit here and Lunk press some buttons. Lunk not sure what Lunk doing. What do “word press” do? It press words in to what? It make word jam? That what it for? Lunk see “word jam” before but not shure where it made from. Can you eat word jam? No that just silly.
Any way there is much funny machines in here. This thing here buzzing. It shimmery light like once when pretty elf lady get Lunk from place to place. Thru… uh… dockal. Portal. Yea this look like portal. Accept it not look like any place Lunk know. It okay if Lunk go there?
Also Lunk sorry but Lunk eat half of fridge. Not fridge it self, no, lol, just stuff in side. Bird-man need buy more veggies. It healthy, mommy told Lunk that. Also Lunk had fun play with little herpes. It first time Lunk see how little herpes look like. They look just like mommy herpe accept small, lol. Lunk hope mommy herpe teach little herpes much good stuff like Lunk’s mommy did before she go to ogri’la.
Bye bye Lunk now go thru dockal.
When the Warcraft setting first started, it was merely a thinly veiled fantasy version of early medieval England. The human faction openly referenced God, and used a calendar which seemed to place it in the 6th century AD. The obviously most striking departure from medieval England was the invasion of hellish monsters called Orcs, suggested to come from “underworld”. Some people, who started their interest in the franchise all the way back then, are very nostalgic about this ancient time. However, we can’t hide that there was very little to the setting back then. A couple of place names, an orcish invasion from hell, and names for characters which had very little personality.
I know it’s been a while since I promised this, but like I said, I wanted to make sure I am as objective as I can be while looking at all the available information. Some others, including people who stumble upon my blog while searching for “meta gems warlords of draenor” or just by looking through Warcraft tag on WordPress, might think quite the opposite – that I’m jumping the gun, that I don’t know enough about the expansion to honestly review it. And they may be right, but that’s why I make it clear I’m reviewing the information as announced on BlizzCon (plus certain additional information revealed around the same time).
I first wanted to do this review because on the first day of BlizzCon I was livid. The expansion announcement was such a big disappointment to me, for one evening I descended into raging more akin to my internet friend Quirnheim (hi, if you’re reading this) than the more elaborate criticism I try to be known for. There were many reasons I was disappointed, including no playable Arakkoa despite the perfect chance to do it, but there were reasons that made me just plain angry at how incompetent they seem to be, releasing an expansion with next to nothing new to play. I may have calmed down and will no longer proclaim “This will be a disaster! This will be worse than Cataclysm!” but I still think the prospects are looking pretty bad. Want to know why? Then read on.
Disclaimer: If you can’t handle criticism of your “favourite game” and “this amazing expansion”, do not read on. I do not want people in my comment section just calling me whiny or childish or other personal attacks because I dared criticize your game. If you have feedback, do it constructively, or I will delete the comment and (depending on severity of your aggressiveness) may then ban you. You have been warned.
I would like to preface this, for my Twitter followers, I will do the promised criticism/review piece for Warlords of Draenor later on. I want to take a good look at what we know and make sure I’m being objective with my assessments, so it will take some time. Meanwhile, I thought I would make a piece about speculation of what might come next.
“But we know nothing! This expansion just got announced, isn’t this too early?” Usually, I would agree with this, but not this time. We have been given one crucial quote on BlizzCon – next expansion will flow straight out of this one. That might mean several things. One answer is of course this doesn’t mean much, and the next expansion will be completely unrelated in theme to Warlords, but but hey – that answer is no fun. Let’s look at two options that I see can potentially flow out of this.
Because I don’t have ideas for any meaningful posts right now, and the larger ones will have to wait till after BlizzCon to avoid getting officially contradicted in two days, I decided to make another simple poll.
It’s a multiple choice poll, so if you don’t choose Arakkoa as one of your options, you’re officially disinherited. It also should have a field for entering your own choice, in case I forgot of any prominent Draenor-related races.