Green Sun

One would expect that when someone says “impossible”, it would send a pretty clear message – something that’s impossible cannot happen, ever. Unfortunately, people have come to use the word rather frivolously, and therefore there is a plenty of things that are apparently impossible, but still happen quite frequently. For instance, it’s impossible to grab a glass by just wishing it happened… but we have magic for that. On a more further out range of “impossible”, it’s impossible to kill an Old God – but it appears the Titans actually did kill at least one. Frequently, the real meaning of “impossible” is “it cannot happen, unless you throw enough magic at it”. And even that has limits – because some feats require such incredibly large amounts of magic constantly defying a persistent force of nature that it appears truly impossible. No one would have that kind of power, and if he did he would have more important things to do with it. One such truly impossible feat is what one of our Eyes of Terokk discovered – a ruined, uninhabitable world with a green sun.

Aberrations of the Bone

For some time, Mr. Krasha was looking for people interested in going to one potential mission, one that wasn’t very popular among most here. Ever since our crews started going out into the other worlds, we all heard about the Xa’tac and the terror they sown across known worlds. This “Space Scourge” was furthermore rumored to recently re-emerge after centuries of presumed extinction at the hands of the Burning Legion. So when the boss was informed by the Gnadra that our gnomish friends, Captain Matus T. Manks’s crew, was abducted and held on that world, few were interested in actually going there. I know it’s common among the adventurers to quote Draenor for being so savage, but this world was the home of an interstellar empire of terror and undeath. Even if they are presumed to be dead, who knows what kind of terrors still lurk within? And we weren’t too far off.

The Titanic Mystery

We were recently contacted by a pirate from K’aresh, who promised to tell us about a world containing an untouched Titanic vault, in exchange for some goods. We of course suspected this offer from the very start. Not only there’s a question of why didn’t he open and plunder it himself, but also if it really is as good as he claimed. In the end, I was sent off to meet him on Darfell with a crate of potions that only Azeroth produces. To my surprise, it wasn’t an ethereal but an emaciated humanoid in your typical pirate gear, with some kind of raccoon/monkey hybrid on his shoulder (I’m told it’s called a chattur). Apparently one of the few fleshy survivors of the cataclysm that ruined K’aresh, this “corporeal” claimed he’s only giving us the address because getting to the loot is too expensive for him. I decided it would be worth to at least check out, paid our due and left with the necessary information.

Fake dragons and brains on legs

Usually when you call someone a dragon, it means they’re a large, flying, fire-breathing lizard. And when you call someone brain on legs it’s quite the opposite – you do not imagine an actual brain on actual legs. What my people found on Ivarind was of course the opposites of what they expected. I knew things about Ivarind ever since I contacted that Bolivia on Darfell. She sent me some information about her world, but so far it was only words on paper for me. When I had the Aperusei business dealt with, I started scouting Ivarind to see more of it on my own, or rather through the Eye of Terokk. And you know, Ivarind is a world that has never had contact with demons, so they were freaked out when they saw a floating eye on the streets. After some of that scouting I decided it’s time to send my nephew on a mission. Oh yeah, the nephew. I never wrote about him.

Tower of Krasha Management Chat

* BlackViperUldum (blackviper@lostcityreclamators.gov.ul) has joined
<@Arakkoa> “Black Viper of Uldum”?
<BlackViperUldum> What? It’s a nickname.
<@Arakkoa> But “Black Viper of Uldum”?
<BlackViperUldum> Yes.
<@Arakkoa> What does it even mean? Wait, I don’t want to know.
* Arakkoa gives voice to BlackViperUldum
<+BlackViperUldum> It is for the best.
* YuGwai (yugwai@humanoid.net) has joined
<YuGwai> Greetings
<@Arakkoa> Oh, you. I didn’t know you knew how to use these things.
<YuGwai> I know many things you would not expect.
* PacifistOgre (lunk14@ogresite.com) has joined
<PacifistOgre> Hi
<PacifistOgre> Lunk sorry Lunk late Lunk connect wrong channel
<@Arakkoa> I didn’t say I need you here necessarily.
<PacifistOgre> It okay Lunk often un neseccairly
<+BlackViperUldum> Oh, Lunk. That’s a surprise.
<YuGwai> Yeah, the ogre that just ran off despite having a job.
<PacifistOgre> Lunk sorry Lunk hard soul
<@Arakkoa> A what again?
<+BlackViperUldum> I think he means “an uneasy soul”.
<@Arakkoa> Great, now I need to translate him from Common to Common.
<@Arakkoa> Correction: I always needed to translate him from Common to Common.
<+BlackViperUldum> I believe the formal term is Low Common.
<PacifistOgre> Low Common no longer cannon it from book
<@Arakkoa> Okay, let’s get on our topic. Where’s Hwarne? I need her now.
<+BlackViperUldum> I’ll try to get her here.
* Hwarne (hwarne@mail.com) has joined
<Hwarne> What the squawking squawk is up with this network?
<Hwarne> It wouldn’t let me put “ë” in the name.
<PacifistOgre> Hey penguin
<@Arakkoa> Glad to see you to, Hwarne. You seem well.
<Hwarne> I’m not squawking well. This squawking thing won’t let me put my proper name in.
<+BlackViperUldum> It is pointless to dwell on now.
<Hwarne> And don’t call me a penguin.
<@Arakkoa> Yeah, Menrim’s right. Let’s get to the topic.
<PacifistOgre> Lunk sorry
<@Arakkoa> GET TO THE TOPIC
<PacifistOgre> Lunk sorry
<@Arakkoa> Stop saying sorry!
<PacifistOgre> Sorry
<@Arakkoa> …
<+BlackViperUldum> What mr. Krasha is saying is we need to acquire certain technology.
<@Arakkoa> Yeah
<@Arakkoa> We found some blueprints with Menrim.
<@Arakkoa> Blueprints for a golem my people used to build long ago.
<PacifistOgre> Small snail say Lunk big snail is daddy
<@Arakkoa> Lunk, concentrate
<PacifistOgre> Okay
<@Arakkoa> But we need a special power core to power it.
<@Arakkoa> They don’t make these kinds of power cores anymore, and sindorei one didn’t work.
<PacifistOgre> Hnnnnnnng
<+BlackViperUldum> …
<@Arakkoa> What the squawk are you doing?
<PacifistOgre> Lunk is concentrating
<Hwarne> OMG
<@Arakkoa> But why are you typing “hnnng”?
<PacifistOgre> That what you type when concetranting no?
<@Arakkoa> No.
<PacifistOgre> So what you type when cocentrating?
<@Arakkoa> Nothing. You stay quiet.
<PacifistOgre> Okay
<YuGwai> Do I really need to be here?
<@Arakkoa> No.
<Hwarne> CAN WE GET BACK ON TOPIC
<@Arakkoa> Yes, we can. Shut up.
<@Arakkoa> Where was I?
<Hwarne> It’s literally a few lines above your current one.
<@Arakkoa> I said shut up.
<@Arakkoa> So we need an arakkoa golem’s power core.
<@Arakkoa> The sindorei one clearly didn’t work.
<YuGwai> I can still feel the smell of that one from the basement.
<@Arakkoa> I thought you didn’t want to be here.
<YuGwai> Do I have to leave then?
<@Arakkoa> No, it’s the gronn’s shift now.
<Hwarne> GET BACK TO THE TOPIC
<@Arakkoa> I’m the moderator here, Hwarne.
<@Arakkoa> Anyway
<@Arakkoa> I thought we could use the power core from an Eye of Terokk
<+BlackViperUldum> That was actually my idea.
<@Arakkoa> Yes, yes.
<@Arakkoa> But I have only one, and there are very few of those left.
<Hwarne> And you want me to buy one.
<@Arakkoa> I didn’t say anything.
<Hwarne> But you were about to.
<PacifistOgre> Can Lunk speak now?
<@Arakkoa> No.
<@Arakkoa> To both of you.
<@Arakkoa> So I need to acquire another Eye of Terokk.
<Hwarne> And you want me to get it.
<@Arakkoa> I said NO
<@Arakkoa> You can’t buy one of those anywhere. They’re so bloody rare.
<+BlackViperUldum> I bet you could find one on the Black Market.
<@Arakkoa> Those things are pretty much legendary these days.
<@Arakkoa> What makes you think you could find one on the Black Market?
<+BlackViperUldum> I heard someone say he bought a Plagued Proto-Drake mount from the Black Market.
<@Arakkoa> I wasn’t speaking of that kind of Black Market.
<+BlackViperUldum> But I was.
<+BlackViperUldum> Look, I’m saying these pandaren have all kinds of weird things to sell.
<YuGwai> Like grubs they eat. Yuck.
<@Arakkoa> Hey, grubs can be pretty tasty if prepared correctly.
<YuGwai> Nope. Who eats grubs?
<@Arakkoa> I do.
<YuGwai> I mean apart from Pandaren
<YuGwai> Oh
<+BlackViperUldum> I did hear some good recipes for grubs.
<PacifistOgre> Lunk have some grub recipes
<PacifistOgre> Grubs best well roasted
<PacifistOgre> It lot of protein
<PacifistOgre> But you no kill grubs!
<@Arakkoa> No, I’m sure we’d just find them lying around dead.
<PacifistOgre> Yaaay!
<Hwarne> OH MY GODS
<@Arakkoa> How does that even work with you? So are you a vegetarian or not?
<PacifistOgre> veggy tarian? Lunk know what veggy but not remember tarian
<+BlackViperUldum> It means you only eat food of plant origin.
<+BlackViperUldum> Or mushrooms, I guess.
<PacifistOgre> Oh
<@Arakkoa> I’m asking if you eat meat
<PacifistOgre> If it good
<@Arakkoa> But you know you have to kill animals to get meat?
<PacifistOgre> No?
<+BlackViperUldum> You do. How would you extract meat from a living animal?
<YuGwai> I bet I could do that.
<Hwarne> I’m going to get out of my own skin and stand next to myself.
<+BlackViperUldum> That’s gross
<+BlackViperUldum> Both of you
<PacifistOgre> But if you not kill animal
<PacifistOgre> If it just dead not killed
<PacifistOgre> Maybe then you get meat?
<@Arakkoa> Yeah, good luck with that.
<PacifistOgre> Thanks
<Hwarne> SERIOUSLY PEOPLE
<+BlackViperUldum> So you eat carrion?
<PacifistOgre> Carri… it not TV show?
<@Arakkoa> No.
<PacifistOgre> Oh
<+BlackViperUldum> I mean you eat only meat from animals that died naturally.
<PacifistOgre> Yea that sound rite
<Hwarne> FINE
<@Arakkoa> Either way, we don’t need to concern ourselves with that anymore.
<Hwarne> YOU GOT ME
<@Arakkoa> The tuskarr cook is doing everything any of us could desire.
<Hwarne> I’M GOING TO GO AND BUY THE SQUAWKING EYE OF TEROKK AND GET IT HERE
* Hwarne (hwarne@mail.com) has left
<@Arakkoa> What was that about?
<+BlackViperUldum> I think he got angry with our discussion being off-topic.
<YuGwai> She
<@Arakkoa> Whatever
<@Arakkoa> What were we talking about again?
<PacifistOgre> Food
<@Arakkoa> Yeah, but before that.
<PacifistOgre> Snail
<YuGwai> So food.
<@Arakkoa> Oh, yeah, the power core.
<@Arakkoa> I guess he’s buying it now?
<@Arakkoa> She
<+BlackViperUldum> It would seem so.
<@Arakkoa> Fine.
<@Arakkoa> Anyone needs anything else with me?
<+BlackViperUldum> No. I would want to return to my duties now.
<@Arakkoa> Fine, go.
<+BlackViperUldum> Till next we meet.
* BlackViperUldum (blackviper@lostcityreclamators.gov.ul) has left
<@Arakkoa> Which is in five minutes.
<YuGwai> I’ll be going as well.
<@Arakkoa> Yeah, go do your… turtle business.
* YuGwai sighs
* YuGwai (yugwai@humanoid.net) has left
<PacifistOgre> Snail really talk to Lunk
<PacifistOgre> It some time talk in funny language
<@Arakkoa> Do I really have to hear this?
<PacifistOgre> It say to Lunk that nagas want wreck bout
<PacifistOgre> boat
<@Arakkoa> What nagas again?
<PacifistOgre> Under
<PacifistOgre> They under Lunk in boat
<@Arakkoa> Well, get rid of them!
<PacifistOgre> Okay
<PacifistOgre> How?
<@Arakkoa> Well, I would probably kill them.
<PacifistOgre> No, Lunk no kill!
<@Arakkoa> Yeah, I know that.
<@Arakkoa> I’m just saying… get rid of them somehow.
<PacifistOgre> Okay.
<PacifistOgre> Lunk go talk to them.
<PacifistOgre> Bye
<PacifistOgre> See you later.
* PacifistOgre (lunk14@ogresite.com) has left
<@Arakkoa> Uh
<@Arakkoa> That went smoother than expected.
<@Arakkoa> And the penguin won’t even know that was always my plan.
<@Arakkoa> MWAHAHAHA
<@Arakkoa> Ahem
* You have left channel #arakkoa (“Leaving”)