Of angry draenei and frozen penguins

It’s rare to see an angry draenei. I don’t mean they’re rare, it’s just rare to see them, because they’re usually angry when no one can see them. They like to pretend they’re above our petty emotions, but they’re just as much subject to them as everyone else. They’re just very… conceited about their emotional state and hide it under layers of seeming self-control. But sometimes, you can actually find one that appears openly angry and even pursues a personal agenda. I talked to one of those some time ago. His name is Zovaar, and he traveled in time attempting to bring back his family. He apparently used to be a paladin but got broken and went with some krokul into this temporal escapade. Imagine my surprise when this (lesser) enemy of the Timewalkers shows up on my doorstep.

Tower of Krasha Management Chat

* BlackViperUldum (blackviper@lostcityreclamators.gov.ul) has joined
<@Arakkoa> “Black Viper of Uldum”?
<BlackViperUldum> What? It’s a nickname.
<@Arakkoa> But “Black Viper of Uldum”?
<BlackViperUldum> Yes.
<@Arakkoa> What does it even mean? Wait, I don’t want to know.
* Arakkoa gives voice to BlackViperUldum
<+BlackViperUldum> It is for the best.
* YuGwai (yugwai@humanoid.net) has joined
<YuGwai> Greetings
<@Arakkoa> Oh, you. I didn’t know you knew how to use these things.
<YuGwai> I know many things you would not expect.
* PacifistOgre (lunk14@ogresite.com) has joined
<PacifistOgre> Hi
<PacifistOgre> Lunk sorry Lunk late Lunk connect wrong channel
<@Arakkoa> I didn’t say I need you here necessarily.
<PacifistOgre> It okay Lunk often un neseccairly
<+BlackViperUldum> Oh, Lunk. That’s a surprise.
<YuGwai> Yeah, the ogre that just ran off despite having a job.
<PacifistOgre> Lunk sorry Lunk hard soul
<@Arakkoa> A what again?
<+BlackViperUldum> I think he means “an uneasy soul”.
<@Arakkoa> Great, now I need to translate him from Common to Common.
<@Arakkoa> Correction: I always needed to translate him from Common to Common.
<+BlackViperUldum> I believe the formal term is Low Common.
<PacifistOgre> Low Common no longer cannon it from book
<@Arakkoa> Okay, let’s get on our topic. Where’s Hwarne? I need her now.
<+BlackViperUldum> I’ll try to get her here.
* Hwarne (hwarne@mail.com) has joined
<Hwarne> What the squawking squawk is up with this network?
<Hwarne> It wouldn’t let me put “ë” in the name.
<PacifistOgre> Hey penguin
<@Arakkoa> Glad to see you to, Hwarne. You seem well.
<Hwarne> I’m not squawking well. This squawking thing won’t let me put my proper name in.
<+BlackViperUldum> It is pointless to dwell on now.
<Hwarne> And don’t call me a penguin.
<@Arakkoa> Yeah, Menrim’s right. Let’s get to the topic.
<PacifistOgre> Lunk sorry
<@Arakkoa> GET TO THE TOPIC
<PacifistOgre> Lunk sorry
<@Arakkoa> Stop saying sorry!
<PacifistOgre> Sorry
<@Arakkoa> …
<+BlackViperUldum> What mr. Krasha is saying is we need to acquire certain technology.
<@Arakkoa> Yeah
<@Arakkoa> We found some blueprints with Menrim.
<@Arakkoa> Blueprints for a golem my people used to build long ago.
<PacifistOgre> Small snail say Lunk big snail is daddy
<@Arakkoa> Lunk, concentrate
<PacifistOgre> Okay
<@Arakkoa> But we need a special power core to power it.
<@Arakkoa> They don’t make these kinds of power cores anymore, and sindorei one didn’t work.
<PacifistOgre> Hnnnnnnng
<+BlackViperUldum> …
<@Arakkoa> What the squawk are you doing?
<PacifistOgre> Lunk is concentrating
<Hwarne> OMG
<@Arakkoa> But why are you typing “hnnng”?
<PacifistOgre> That what you type when concetranting no?
<@Arakkoa> No.
<PacifistOgre> So what you type when cocentrating?
<@Arakkoa> Nothing. You stay quiet.
<PacifistOgre> Okay
<YuGwai> Do I really need to be here?
<@Arakkoa> No.
<Hwarne> CAN WE GET BACK ON TOPIC
<@Arakkoa> Yes, we can. Shut up.
<@Arakkoa> Where was I?
<Hwarne> It’s literally a few lines above your current one.
<@Arakkoa> I said shut up.
<@Arakkoa> So we need an arakkoa golem’s power core.
<@Arakkoa> The sindorei one clearly didn’t work.
<YuGwai> I can still feel the smell of that one from the basement.
<@Arakkoa> I thought you didn’t want to be here.
<YuGwai> Do I have to leave then?
<@Arakkoa> No, it’s the gronn’s shift now.
<Hwarne> GET BACK TO THE TOPIC
<@Arakkoa> I’m the moderator here, Hwarne.
<@Arakkoa> Anyway
<@Arakkoa> I thought we could use the power core from an Eye of Terokk
<+BlackViperUldum> That was actually my idea.
<@Arakkoa> Yes, yes.
<@Arakkoa> But I have only one, and there are very few of those left.
<Hwarne> And you want me to buy one.
<@Arakkoa> I didn’t say anything.
<Hwarne> But you were about to.
<PacifistOgre> Can Lunk speak now?
<@Arakkoa> No.
<@Arakkoa> To both of you.
<@Arakkoa> So I need to acquire another Eye of Terokk.
<Hwarne> And you want me to get it.
<@Arakkoa> I said NO
<@Arakkoa> You can’t buy one of those anywhere. They’re so bloody rare.
<+BlackViperUldum> I bet you could find one on the Black Market.
<@Arakkoa> Those things are pretty much legendary these days.
<@Arakkoa> What makes you think you could find one on the Black Market?
<+BlackViperUldum> I heard someone say he bought a Plagued Proto-Drake mount from the Black Market.
<@Arakkoa> I wasn’t speaking of that kind of Black Market.
<+BlackViperUldum> But I was.
<+BlackViperUldum> Look, I’m saying these pandaren have all kinds of weird things to sell.
<YuGwai> Like grubs they eat. Yuck.
<@Arakkoa> Hey, grubs can be pretty tasty if prepared correctly.
<YuGwai> Nope. Who eats grubs?
<@Arakkoa> I do.
<YuGwai> I mean apart from Pandaren
<YuGwai> Oh
<+BlackViperUldum> I did hear some good recipes for grubs.
<PacifistOgre> Lunk have some grub recipes
<PacifistOgre> Grubs best well roasted
<PacifistOgre> It lot of protein
<PacifistOgre> But you no kill grubs!
<@Arakkoa> No, I’m sure we’d just find them lying around dead.
<PacifistOgre> Yaaay!
<Hwarne> OH MY GODS
<@Arakkoa> How does that even work with you? So are you a vegetarian or not?
<PacifistOgre> veggy tarian? Lunk know what veggy but not remember tarian
<+BlackViperUldum> It means you only eat food of plant origin.
<+BlackViperUldum> Or mushrooms, I guess.
<PacifistOgre> Oh
<@Arakkoa> I’m asking if you eat meat
<PacifistOgre> If it good
<@Arakkoa> But you know you have to kill animals to get meat?
<PacifistOgre> No?
<+BlackViperUldum> You do. How would you extract meat from a living animal?
<YuGwai> I bet I could do that.
<Hwarne> I’m going to get out of my own skin and stand next to myself.
<+BlackViperUldum> That’s gross
<+BlackViperUldum> Both of you
<PacifistOgre> But if you not kill animal
<PacifistOgre> If it just dead not killed
<PacifistOgre> Maybe then you get meat?
<@Arakkoa> Yeah, good luck with that.
<PacifistOgre> Thanks
<Hwarne> SERIOUSLY PEOPLE
<+BlackViperUldum> So you eat carrion?
<PacifistOgre> Carri… it not TV show?
<@Arakkoa> No.
<PacifistOgre> Oh
<+BlackViperUldum> I mean you eat only meat from animals that died naturally.
<PacifistOgre> Yea that sound rite
<Hwarne> FINE
<@Arakkoa> Either way, we don’t need to concern ourselves with that anymore.
<Hwarne> YOU GOT ME
<@Arakkoa> The tuskarr cook is doing everything any of us could desire.
<Hwarne> I’M GOING TO GO AND BUY THE SQUAWKING EYE OF TEROKK AND GET IT HERE
* Hwarne (hwarne@mail.com) has left
<@Arakkoa> What was that about?
<+BlackViperUldum> I think he got angry with our discussion being off-topic.
<YuGwai> She
<@Arakkoa> Whatever
<@Arakkoa> What were we talking about again?
<PacifistOgre> Food
<@Arakkoa> Yeah, but before that.
<PacifistOgre> Snail
<YuGwai> So food.
<@Arakkoa> Oh, yeah, the power core.
<@Arakkoa> I guess he’s buying it now?
<@Arakkoa> She
<+BlackViperUldum> It would seem so.
<@Arakkoa> Fine.
<@Arakkoa> Anyone needs anything else with me?
<+BlackViperUldum> No. I would want to return to my duties now.
<@Arakkoa> Fine, go.
<+BlackViperUldum> Till next we meet.
* BlackViperUldum (blackviper@lostcityreclamators.gov.ul) has left
<@Arakkoa> Which is in five minutes.
<YuGwai> I’ll be going as well.
<@Arakkoa> Yeah, go do your… turtle business.
* YuGwai sighs
* YuGwai (yugwai@humanoid.net) has left
<PacifistOgre> Snail really talk to Lunk
<PacifistOgre> It some time talk in funny language
<@Arakkoa> Do I really have to hear this?
<PacifistOgre> It say to Lunk that nagas want wreck bout
<PacifistOgre> boat
<@Arakkoa> What nagas again?
<PacifistOgre> Under
<PacifistOgre> They under Lunk in boat
<@Arakkoa> Well, get rid of them!
<PacifistOgre> Okay
<PacifistOgre> How?
<@Arakkoa> Well, I would probably kill them.
<PacifistOgre> No, Lunk no kill!
<@Arakkoa> Yeah, I know that.
<@Arakkoa> I’m just saying… get rid of them somehow.
<PacifistOgre> Okay.
<PacifistOgre> Lunk go talk to them.
<PacifistOgre> Bye
<PacifistOgre> See you later.
* PacifistOgre (lunk14@ogresite.com) has left
<@Arakkoa> Uh
<@Arakkoa> That went smoother than expected.
<@Arakkoa> And the penguin won’t even know that was always my plan.
<@Arakkoa> MWAHAHAHA
<@Arakkoa> Ahem
* You have left channel #arakkoa (“Leaving”)

Menrim’s Journal – Duskwood

After yesterday’s troubles in Stranglethorn, I continued up the Nazferiti River for a while until I encountered the bridge that links Duskwood and Westfall. Seeing the bridge I made my decisions and decided to continue further on foot. I tied my boat to a small tree stump under the bridge and protected it from thieves with a spell and then quickly took all my packages with me. Another man would probably be scared to go into this forest, but I’ve seen some things. I saw the Aspect of Death himself appear in the Neferset City to threaten us with his power. I’ve seen cities drowned in sand as an example for those would oppose the villain. Finally, I travelled through the South Seas recently and saw sky covered with evil energy of the Sha, I saw creations of a madman experimenting on living animals – I wasn’t going to be scared by a dark forest.

I’m a squawking wonder-worker!

Let me tell you, I am never appreciated! Both under Maginor Dumas and Verroak Krasha I have done nothing short of a miracle. I’m a squawking wonder-worker, that’s what I am! I got the crazy old… vulture-parrot-owl thing terocones. Terocones! In Stormwind! Nobody sells the seeds these days! Do you have any ideas how much haggling it took to get someone to concede some cones? Do you know what I had to trade in? Gold. Okay, that wasn’t particularly odd, but terocones! And before Krasha placed the order, I didn’t even know what a terocone is. No spelljammer has ever reached this planet, we know literally nothing about this place, so we never heard of terocones.

Recently, after Krasha broke that harpy out of her cage and he had to evacuate to his own tower, I decided to follow him. Yes, he’s crazy and never appreciates me either, but at least he pays well. Because the cook he got at first was some dumb vegetarian ogre, they couldn’t eat any meat in the tower. So who do they go to? To ME, of course. And I bought a whole crate full of fresh Tel Abim Bananas. I had to WRESTLE a goblin for them. You think they’re short and weak? Well, not only they’re barely shorter than me, not only I have hollow, avian bones, the goblin was also packing heat (by which I mean some crazy fire-suit contraption worthy of a tinker gnome). He didn’t want to sell for my gold, so I wrestled him down, took apart the suit and THEN he sold the fruits. I also borrowed some apples.

That’s just two examples! I keep getting him some really rare things that I often have to go out of my way to purchase. Sometimes I even strike something lucky by complete accident – I thought I bought a crate of Ragveil and it turned out to be some “Chamaeleon Lotus” that is very, very rare and even considered extinct on this world. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love doing all those crazy and rare business deals. That’s what I was made for. But I could use some respect and appreciation for my efforts. Maybe one day, I’ll earn enough gold to build my own spelljammer and escape this world back to Kwanhi, the dohwar homeworld. But until that day, I’ll keep on working.

Addendum: I took to using the word “squawk” as a substitution for expletives, as Verroak Krasha tends to do. I must admit, there is something to the sound of it that I seem to like.

Addendum 2: Apparently there are tinker gnomes in this world, as well as mechagnomes, so maybe a spelljammer did reach this world a long time but perhaps it crashed and no one reported back – but it seeded some things.

The Penguin, The Mage and The Terrible Weather

I hate snow. I absolutely despise snow. Farahlon was not seeing snow often, and I was lucky with that. I guess the destruction of Draenor had one positive outcome: the heat made it no longer snow anywhere in Outland. But now that I haven’t seen snow for decades and have to survive it again in my old age, I’m curling up in shock. Have I ever said snow reminds me of death? Because it does. Winter is when everything dies. Everything that reminds me of life disappears or flies away, or outright dies. And then everything gets coated with this hideous, white, cold substance. That’s what cold is: death. Snow is dead water. I hate snow. Of course, the darkfire-squawked penguin loves it!