Spaced out

I cannot pretend I understand what’s going on between my uncle and that ogre, Lunk. Apparently the ogre is popular in some circles for some zany adventures he goes on and the unusual for his race pacifism. In my timeline I never heard of him so I assume he was dead. It’s a brutal world out there and someone who refuses to kill likely did not survive for long. Well, this version of Lunk survives and even thrives, to a certain degree. I even saw two alter egos he donned – the eloquent “Professor Lunk” and “Fel-Breaker Lunk” who was still the same but with special powers. And despite all of that, he likes to constantly try his luck and dare even more ridiculous things every day. One of his obsessions is about going to the White Lady (to which he refers very eloquently as “the moon”), and for that purpose, he recently went off-world to Darfell.

I hear he wandered around Darfell for a while and apparently discovered some mythical land and a new race even native darfellans didn’t believe in – some kind of green, cannibalistic midget elves. But that didn’t last long, of course. He got picked up by a private Gnadra ship but of course, he had no gold to pay for his transport. So they left him at the first world they crossed. You know what they say, people who are dumb are very lucky. He was left on that unnamed world where my uncle’s people once encountered the Totec entity and very quickly found his way to slavery, and even faster into inciting a slave rebellion. Since the rebellion he incited did too much killing, he went off to the desert where he would have died if a local goblinoid didn’t find him. Lo and behold, the two got enslaved AGAIN, this time by a dwarven ship.

Here’s where this story gets weird and troubling. The dwarven ship got attacked in space by a Xa’tac Deathship. I know, they’re supposed to be extinct, but it appears the rumors that we heard on Darfell are not completely unsubstantiated. I don’t know how they returned or why we haven’t heard more of them, but when the skeletons were attacking the dwarven ship, Lunk and his goblinoid friend stole a space shuttle and flew it out of the battle, obviously right across the Legion sector, because why do something smart when you can do something stupid? Lunk crashed the space shuttle on Shattrath’s dome, which by a happy coincidence also incinerated his demonic pursuers. Then he flew the shuttle back to us.

So yes, we have a space shuttle now. Not that we can really fly it anywhere as I previously mentioned Azeroth lies smack-dab in the middle of the Legion sector. Probably the only reason this version of Azeroth isn’t destroyed is because the people of this timeline had as much dumb luck as Lunk. Despite that, we’ve been studying this thing ever since it landed here. The design reminds me of the iron dwarves of Thor Modan, although I am yet to see them in person. There must be some Titanic technology within the shuttle, as only certain people could turn it on and off – and all of these people were of races made or indirectly caused by the Titans. Me and my uncle, for instance, were unable to operate it but Yu Gwai and Menrim had no problem (in Menrim’s case, the chair shape was a bigger problem).

Even for the Titanics, operating this thing is hard. I was there when Yu Gwai was checking the weapon systems and my uncle came into view in the worst possible moment. Because the shuttle is operated by mental commands, it fired right at this moment and the glowing bullet-thing raced right towards uncle Verroak. He dodged it with magic in the last minute, but now Yu Gwai wants to steer clear of it, fearing he’d accidentally kill someone. Then we got the nerubian engineer, Anub’mertan, to try understanding how the ship works. He couldn’t figure the first thing about it. The materials, the systems, it was all completely alien to him. Maybe a demon would have more luck, but uncle put restrictions on what I can summon – he doesn’t want the Burning Legion to track us down.

And I still don’t know what’s the point of having it. We can’t use it to fly to other planets because the shuttle would have to travel across the Twisting Nether, which is filled with demons in this region of space. Lunk barely dodged them and only did that because he happened to drive the shuttle into Outland. Maybe we could use it to travel to other planets within the solar system, but there’s no reason to do that. Maybe we could shove it through the rift (as it’s not a regular portal) if we somehow got the thing into the Tower’s basement, and then through the window an ogre barely fits through – which isn’t very likely. So it just sits there and… puzzles us.